🚨 Inside the Weedpocalypse: Paranormal Mayhem at “Dabs of Destiny” 🚨
By Bill Asin, Cosmic Journalist, TOP World News 420 Tabloids
They told me this was a simple assignment—check out a strange smell coming from a dispensary called Dabs of Destiny just outside Barstow. I thought maybe a skunky batch of Gelato or some terps gone rogue. What I got instead?
A full-blown interdimensional THC-fueled freak show.
First off, let me introduce myself. I’m Bill Asin—yes, that Bill Asin. White guy, black suit, black tie, soul-shielding sunglasses. Government lackey turned rogue cosmic journalist for TOP World News 420 Tabloids—the only media outlet brave enough to cover the real weirdness hitting our nation’s weed shops.
Aliens? âś…
They came through a terpene fridge that turned into a wormhole. Four of them, glowing green and shaped like dab tools. One asked me where he could get “Zaza from Sector 9” and then accidentally hotboxed himself into a coma using moon rocks. He’s now living rent-free in the breakroom watching “SpongeBob” reruns and demanding Flamin’ Hot Cheetos in bulk.
Rosin Tsunami? âś…
At approximately 4:20 PM (obviously), the back wall burst open and a golden wave of living rosin came pouring through like it was reenacting The Shining. It whispered my true name—my soul’s birth frequency, man. I’ve been microdosing holy water ever since.
Ghosts? âś… Monsters? âś… Possessed Vape Pens? Triple âś…
One gummy-bear-shaped entity tried to seduce a limited-edition vape pen. It was beautiful. It was tragic. It was rated NSFW and flagged by Instagram immediately.
Meanwhile, spectral stoners from the ’70s floated through the grow room, chanting “legalize it” in a ghostly loop. And Sasquatch? He showed up mid-dab and summoned a dab-nado—a swirling cyclone of concentrate that knocked over three shelves of prerolls and opened another portal to Denver.
So… Why Am I Here?
Because this is the frontline of the cannabis-paranormal-industrial complex, and someone’s gotta document the madness. Not the feds. Not the influencers. Not even Joe Rogan.
Just me. Bill Asin, former Men in Black janitor turned truth seeker, weed whisperer, and reluctant intergalactic envoy to the High Realm.
At TOP World News 420 Tabloids, we bring you the truth the mainstream media won’t touch with a ten-foot dab rig. You want updates on ghost trimmers? Haunted edibles? Cannabinoid-fueled cryptids? This is where the high strangeness lives.
So next time you’re at your local dispensary and the floor starts vibrating or the nug jar starts glowing, don’t panic. Just remember:
Stay baked… but stay alert.
And always check the back room for alien squatters.
🔥 Follow TOP World News 420 Tabloids for exclusive reports from the weed underworld — where the news gets dank, and the truth gets weird.
🛸👻💥🌿 #StayBakedStayAlert #BillAsin420 #ParanormalPot
