12 New Witnesses of the Michigan Dogman at Cannabis Dispensaries
Tonight on TOP News, our only smokin-high reporter Bill Azin will be looking into the Michigan Dogman. For decades now, people have reported sightings of this creature in various parts of the state. The latest reports come from cannabis dispensaries across Michigan where it’s been seen by numerous eyewitnesses. Here to interview the pup is Brooke who has had a lot of experience with paranormal beings and creatures over her career as a scientist for the government and now a professional cannabis influencer – She also knows more than anyone about what makes this guy tick!
WARNING: Authorities in Michigan are warning people of a vicious dogman that has been seen at many provisioning centers. Dogman is believed to be very grumpy and dangerous when he is not stoned. If you see him, approach with caution! But don’t worry; the best way to make him happy is by giving him some edibles or rolling up a blunt for him. He’s very approachable after he’s had some herb, and won’t bite if he feels relaxed.
“Dogman” tried to speak through the crowd forming around the interview, “I’m sorry about that man, I don’t know what happened. All I remember is waking up in a field with my head feeling like it was going to explode.” He took another deep hit off his joint before continuing. “All I can say for sure is that the last thing I saw were these two big blue eyes looking at me from behind a fence.” The cannabis influencer nodded thoughtfully as Dogman went on, “But then everything just disappeared and now here we are!”
We are here with the elusive Michigan Dogman, who has been terrorizing locals for decades. Tell us about your favorite cannabis brands or products? “Hey dog man, thanks for taking the time to chat with me today. So, what’s your favorite cannabis brand?”
The Dogman shrugs. He has never smoked pot before in his life. “I don’t really have a favorite,” he says. The journalist is annoyed but decides to ask another question anyways: “What is your opinion of indica vs sativa? Which do you prefer?”
As you may know, I’m a big fan of Granddaddy Purple and Classic Kush. They’re fantastic when it comes to relieving my anxiety after hunting down any pesky humans that might try to defend their territory. I like them because they’re not too strong and they help me relax without making me sleepy which is obviously a problem because there’s no time for sleep during hunting season!
“I think I am most partial to weed that is energizing. It gets my blood pumping and helps me focus on my work,” says Dogman in his interview with the famous cannabis influencer. “I like the rush marijuana gives me when I do it before a run or go on an adventure, but if I need to get some sleep or stay mellow then indica is what does the trick for me.
When did you first try pot?
‘It was back in 2004 during my sophomore year of high school after one of my friends offered me a joint at lunchtime while we were sitting outside of our third-period classroom between classes,’ he recalls.”
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So far there have been no reports of violence or aggression from this creature, but it is always best to approach with caution. Some say that Dogman may actually be just a large man-dog, in other words, an undeveloped man-dog with less human nature and more animal nature.
It’s anamorphism folks, it’s totally coming back into style. -B Azin
Reports of a dog-human hybrid creature in Michigan have risen in recent years. The creature, which is often termed the “Dogman”, has been spotted at dispensaries all across Michigan and sightings reported from the Grand Rapids to Detroit to all the way up in Traverse City. According to myth, most Dogmen have canine-like legs looking like large muscular humans with dog heads. Although they are called Dogmen because of their appearance and behavior, experts agree that any connection between these creatures and actual dogs is speculative; most experts believe them to be no more than an amalgam of various known animals such as coyotes or wolves who sometimes scavenge human food refuse near populated areas. Despite sightings being relatively rare, there are many stories about attacks by this creature ranging from a little nip to teeth marks and maybe a little blood but not much.
There have been several sightings of the dogman in Detroit recently. This creature said to be a mix of man and dog, is often seen at provisioning centers where it can be found smoking blunts or eating edibles. While some people may be alarmed by this creature, those who know him well say that he is actually very friendly and funny when he’s high. In fact, many say that he is one of the most approachable creatures they’ve ever met. So if you see the dogman around, don’t be afraid! He’s just a big teddy bear when he’s stoned.
“Dogman is much too formidable not to have a smile on his face.” – Witness of dogman in Traverse City
Dogman, a Michigan native and member of the furry community since he was three years old, has become an iconic figure in the cannabis culture. A few weeks ago Dogman was at a provisioning center on Lapeer Rd when he became hungry for some edibles. He walked up to the counter and had his dog tag ID checked before being asked if there was anything he needed from the store. “I’ll take an 8th of Blueberry gum” said Dogman as his ears drooped down to cover his eyes. As soon as he got back into his car with a bag full of goodies Dogman made it about 100 feet before crashing into a tree because he had forgotten that you have to chew this stuff not just swallow it whole.