Many Michiganders blame sky mints for stockpiling toilet paper all over the state.
4:20 Am on a Sunday
Fear-stricken panic reports from all over the state are pouring in over toilet paper shortages… again.
Store shelves are empty in many locations and others have only the one-ply super thin stuff that your finger will go through in an instant. Miraculously leaving you with a poop-filled fingernail for the rest of the day. You can’t help but bring up to sniff every so often (as if you forgot) what brand of funk you have jammed tight in crevices especially darkened packed full. So packed that the strongest chemical bong cleaner couldn’t remove the residue. That useless toilet paper is the only brand left behind by whoever or whatever is snatching up all the TP.
The sky’s been weird lately. For the past few days, people have been reporting seeing giant flying objects that look like candy without the wrappers and are as large as an airplane. The government has yet to comment on these sightings but we can’t help but feel terrified about what this might mean for our planet and us. Michiganders are in an uproar over the recent shortage of toilet paper, attributing it to the sky mints that have been flying over their homes. This has caused a panic among citizens who are worried they won’t be able to wipe themselves after using the restroom. Some Michiganders have even resorted to rationing their supply, only taking one or two squares at a time before flushing and repeating. “It’s really hard,” said Jane Smith, 27. “I can’t live like this.”
“What if they’ve come to take over?”
“We need answers!” -A concerned citizen of Michigan
There were many signs that something suspicious was going on after we met them at the crash site. We should have known after they started unloading their gear. We started to realize they overloaded capacity causing the crash. Apparently, there are weight limits for sky mints and bad things happen when the rules are not followed.
It is a known fact that in the event of an emergency, toilet paper can become scarce. To alleviate this problem, many Michiganders have been stocking up on toilet paper over the past few months to ensure they are not caught with their pants down. However, some say that there is no need for such panic. As a result, some Michiganders have resorted to using alternative materials such as newspapers or magazines instead. Many Flint residents have taken up the MM Report for wiping their asses.
The public has been sighting flying mints in the sky for many years now above every major city in Michigan. These outa towners have invaded the State Of Michigan and have set up shops all over the place. They claim to be from Michigan but we are suspect of their claims. They say they came back from the Caribbean, but our sources say that they might not be from earth. The shortage of toilet paper is affecting many people. Many Michiganders are blaming sky mints for the shortage.
This has caused a lot of confusion and frustration among residents about how to get their hands on more TP. The sky mints have not commented on the toilet paper shortage situation at this time. The shortages are expected to continue until mid-summer when new shipments arrive from the toilet paper factories. Michiganders blame sky mints over toilet paper shortage. This increase in demand has led to a decrease in supply, leaving many people with empty shelves at their local grocery store or pharmacy.
There’s also speculation that shortages could happen again next year if nothing changes. If you’re having trouble finding any of these items, try looking for them online or ask your local store about their inventory before making a trip out there. If you have any other questions, please contact our office during regular business hours.
“Michiganders blame sky mints and are speculating that they are using the toilet paper for rolling joints”. – Common Citizen
In the midst of a statewide rolling paper shortage, people are looking for creative ways to get high. In order to eliminate rolling blunts with cigarette paper, some inventive stoners have been using toilet paper as a substitute. The results? A joint that is strong but tastes awful and burns easily. Not only will you be coughing your lungs out from this new trend in drugs, but you’ll also be stuck with a gross taste in your mouth after smoking it. To avoid these nasty side effects, please don’t use TP as rolling paper!
“I am concerned about the sky mints pre-rolls”. I had a friend who got caught smoking weed, and he told me that he used to roll joints with toilet paper because it’s cheaper than buying papers. That’s not a problem for him, but what if this is happening at an elementary school? What if there are little kids going into the bathroom and they see someone using toilet paper to make a joint?”
Don’t smoke sky mints! They might be using toilet paper to roll joints. There is no telling what you could be smoking and the last thing we need is more people getting sick because of this stupid idea. I am not sure how they get away with it, but it has been going on for a while now and someone needs to put an end to it before one of your family members gets hooked on something that can’t be flushed down the toilet.
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