Demon Fish River Monster Caught! Chesaning Residents Smoke with Relief| BBQ this Saturday
4:20 Sunday Afternoon
Bill Azin Reports:
Demon Fish River Monster has killed again. Residents have had enough.
For too many years Chesaning Township residents have held back the tears and fear of the vicious killer that lurks in their village. The killing has carried on for almost a generation, but now the locals have had enough. The town will not stand for any more murders. There was no one to call, no government to respond. They have no other choices. The town itself had to manage the damage, and to find, and execute the bloody killer.
“Bloody Chesaning” was being whispered around town while the situation escalated. Chesaning townies band together for the first time. They have one common mission; to hunt and kill the damn predator taking out their kin. After the town organized the vote, it was unanimous that they had to take out this killer the old-fashioned way. All other resources have been exhausted. They have called every kind of authority and no bureaucracy could do anything about it. Something like out of the bloodiest thrasher film is this massive predator blamed for horrifying attacks on people and nothing could be done. For nearly 10 years the Sheriff and several town folks have been looking for clues in an attempt to find the Demon Fish River Monster. They spent countless hours talking to eyewitnesses and hearing stories about people who were dragged underwater by these vicious predators. They have to find what is eating their children. There can be no justice until the lynching of the predator that ate the mayor’s boy last summer. Wherever the sick-nasty-predator is, they cannot stand around like this any longer.
“We need everyone in town to grab a shovel, gun machete, sickle, or damn bazooka and meet at the town square.” – Mayor
Mayor called out into the growing circle of angry townspeople. “We need all the good hunters upfront and the trappers right behind them. “Does anyone have any extra weaponry” the mayor shouts overhead. Someone in the crowd hollers back in a mousey voice “Mike has a whole arsenal in his basement” but I don’t think he will let us use them.” She went on as her voice was drowned out; “He says that they are for armageddon…” The mayor knew that Mike would help track and hunt the beast but that he would insist to use his bow. This is no time for honor in the hunt you idiot! “This motherfucker ate my baby!” Mike just shrugged, turned, and walked into the sunset.
So many mysterious drownings have occurred. For years Chesaning has endured harsh pain and torment with innumerable tears. The coalition of tragic mothers has been meeting every Sunday night to discuss what is eating their children. “We know the damn thing can hide up and down the contour bend which curlicues after the swerve winds out.” “That’s Chesaning speak Bill.” one resident explained. “Only God knows of what kind of evil thrasher-not only invaded our cute little town but it seems to have made up residence. “We have had enough“ one townie screams!”
For too long now all children had to be in the house before dark! Five or six years ago Sheriff made the whole town curfew, but that did not slow down the killings. The unknown slasher has occupied the imaginations of parents and children from the village of Chesaning. This beast is freely swimming out of sight because the river flows as a couple of SS’s through town. The Demon Fish River Monster is an aggressive man-eater that will swallow people whole. Even small children were found in one’s stomach after a vivacious struggle where many residents had jumped into the river back of the Provisioning Center. These giants attack when they are protecting their nests during the breeding season. The Demon Fish River Monster is an elusive opponent that travels up and down the river. Demon Fish River Monster is a monstrous fish with huge jaws and two rows of needle-sharp teeth that will surely kill again.
It was then that Sabrina, a young girl living in the town, discovered something lurking near her home: A demon fish river monster! She brought this discovery to her father who notified the elders. They quickly sent out brave men armed with nets and spears into the water to check its authenticity. Sure enough, there was a huge creature lurking just under the surface of the water as they neared it. One man threw his spear at its tail while another flung himself out over the top of it, managing to scare the gigantic Demon Fish off. “I’m so scared,” the little girl wailed, “each night I have this horrible nightmare with a big black monster eating me.”
The town crier ran through the small village, yelling at anyone he could get to listen. “Come quick! The demon fish has been terrorizing the village for weeks now!” He continued on his way, stopping occasionally to continue his message. Everybody in the village was out that night; they were all looking for any sign of movement in the river so their children would remain uneaten by this monster. It had only been a couple of days since they last saw it and its appetite seemed insatiable.
“It’s a good thing Chesaning is strong,” Perl said before closing the BBQ grill.
This story has been bought for you by NORTH CANNABIS Pre Rolls. I smoked 2 North Cannabis prerolls while making up this tragic story. The kind people at The River Provisioning Center were helpful in guiding me to the great deal 2 for $22 North Cannabis prerolls. They were very nice. I got Platinum OG Kush and Rozay #1. Thank you River Provisioning Center! Video 
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