NEWS FLASH: Detroit’s High Club Offers Out-of-This-World Shopping—And We Mean Literally
Detroit, MI – Shoppers were left floating—both literally and metaphorically—after the High Club by Detroit Herbal Center launched what’s being called the most uplifting cannabis shopping experience in history. Known for their wild innovations, High Club’s newest shopping concept takes the idea of getting high to an entirely new dimension: the anti-gravity zone.
“We told people they’d be elevated, but honestly, no one expected this,” said store manager Stoney McCloud, adjusting his oversized sunglasses. “One minute you’re walking in like it’s any other store, and the next you’re hovering like you’ve been abducted by a UFO… but in a good way, you know?”
The surreal journey begins as soon as customers enter through what looks like an oversized bong-portal. Inside, gravity takes a vacation, and patrons find themselves drifting serenely through a vapor-scented atmosphere. A team of highly trained “Cosmic Guides,” dressed in full astronaut suits with dreadlocks peeking out from under their helmets, float alongside customers to assist with “higher-level decision-making.”
“I thought it was some kind of elaborate prank,” said regular shopper Tina “Moonbeam” Jackson. “But as soon as I stepped in, I felt my feet leave the floor, and the next thing I know, I’m doing somersaults around the pre-roll section. I went in for a single joint and somehow floated out with an entire cosmic care package. Zero regrets!”
As for the products themselves, the selection is equally mind-bending. Patrons are encouraged to browse the “Intergalactic Edibles” section, featuring treats like Nebula Nuggets and Galaxy Gummies which come with a warning: “Do not eat before operating flying saucers.” Over at the flower section, strains like Martian Mango and Venus Velvet are displayed in shimmering terrariums, glowing softly in the ambient light that somehow feels like it’s whispering sweet nothings in your ear.
But the true pièce de résistance? The Cosmic Blunt Bar, where shoppers can customize their own blunts while floating on a cloud-like bench. “This is what Snoop Dogg dreams about,” said a starry-eyed customer, who was so entranced he ordered five custom blunts named after various planets before launching into an impromptu rendition of “Space Oddity.”
Even the checkout process is out of this world. Patrons float gently towards a holographic cash register, which resembles an interdimensional portal swirling with neon colors. Instead of handing cash or cards to a cashier, shoppers simply think positive thoughts, and the currency of good vibes completes the transaction. “Honestly, it’s how I’ve always imagined paying for stuff,” said one shopper. “I mean, it’s Detroit. We’ve been paying with vibes for years.”
Critics, however, have raised concerns. “Sure, it’s fun, but I floated too high and knocked over the display of Moon Rocks,” complained one disgruntled shopper. “And once you’ve been weightless for an hour, regular walking feels so overrated. I’m suing for emotional inconvenience.”
But these minor issues haven’t stopped the High Club from becoming Detroit’s hottest hangout, with some calling it “the Disneyland of dispensaries” and others insisting it’s a portal to a new dimension altogether.
“We’re here to elevate minds, spirits, and—if all goes well—revenue,” said McCloud with a wink. “Welcome to High Club, where the only limit is the stratosphere. And maybe the occasional ceiling fan.”
So, if you find yourself in Detroit and fancy a shopping trip that feels like it was designed by Salvador Dalí on a contact high, swing by the High Club. Just make sure to buckle up—it’s going to be a floaty ride.
