OnlyAlien.com Sparks Intergalactic Dating Frenzy — Earthlings Swipe Right on Extraterrestrials!

Move over Tinder—there’s a new dating site in town, and it’s not just limited to Earth’s atmosphere. The launch of OnlyAlien.com has sparked what some are calling the “ultimate cosmic connection,” bringing together humans and extraterrestrials for the first time in dating history.

“Humans have always looked to the stars for love,” said website founder Zorblax-3000, an intergalactic tech mogul who claims to hail from a galaxy far, far away. “Now, with OnlyAlien, they can finally slide into the DMs of their dream Martian or Venusian.”

The platform allows Earthlings to create profiles and match with beings from galaxies beyond our solar system. The site’s advanced algorithms scan trillions of planets to find users’ perfect match—whether that’s a three-headed beauty from Planet Zorgon or a translucent lifeform from Andromeda who claims they’ve never been ghosted (for obvious reasons).

Profiles on OnlyAlien are reportedly out of this world. “I matched with this one alien, Klyxx from Kepler-452b,” said Michigan resident Jenna Stardust, who joined the site out of curiosity. “He’s, like, 9 feet tall, has no visible face, and communicates entirely through telepathy. It’s refreshing, honestly—no awkward small talk!”

However, not everyone is convinced. Some Earthlings are reporting strange side effects after matching with aliens, including telepathic confusion, mild abductions, and unexplainable cravings for space food. “I went on one date with a Plutonian, and now I have a sudden urge to visit the Kuiper Belt. I think she implanted a travel bug in my brain,” said one OnlyAlien user who requested to remain anonymous (likely to avoid the Men in Black).

The site’s success has caused ripples across the cosmos. Aliens, who have been lurking in Earth’s orbit for millennia, are reportedly overjoyed at the chance to mingle with the locals. “We’ve been trying to make contact for years,” said Zlorax, a shapeshifting being from the Orion Nebula. “Turns out all we needed was a profile pic and some witty banter about wormholes.”

Despite some early concerns over long-distance relationships (measured in light-years), users are loving the platform’s unique features, including Faster Than Light Messaging, Teleportation Date Nights, and the Black Hole Breakup Button—for when you need to disappear from the universe, fast.

OnlyAlien.com’s tagline, “Because love knows no planetary boundaries,” is quickly becoming the rallying cry for intergalactic singles everywhere. Will this be the start of a new era of star-crossed lovers? Or will Earthlings get more than they bargained for swiping right on beings from the fifth dimension?

Only time—and perhaps a few trips aboard a UFO—will tell.