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Breaking News Report: The Dragon Is Out Of It’s Cave

[Bill Azin, Anchor]: Good evening, I’m Bill Azin, and we’re coming to you live from Bazonzoe’s Provisioning Center in Lansing, Michigan, where an incredible sight has left the community in awe. For over 20 minutes now, a majestic dragon has been witnessed flying over the store, captivating onlookers with its sheer presence.

Reports suggest that this dragon has recently escaped from its cave, nestled high up in the hills of Beverly Hills. Astonishingly, some residents claim to have sporadically observed the creature peeking out from its hidden abode for many years, waiting patiently for the opportune moment. Allegedly, it bided its time until the knights who once challenged it grew old, were incarcerated, or lost their bravery to confront such a formidable foe.

During its seclusion, the dragon has evidently undergone a rigorous training regimen, working out with extraordinary intensity, preparing itself for an epic return. As the knights, both symbolic and literal, faced cancellations and confinement, the dragon’s servants have been diligently organizing and planning, ensuring the stage is set for its grand acts of destruction with unrelenting force.

A startling aspect of this dragon’s plans involves indulgence in culinary endeavors. It has been concocting recipes, envisioning gourmet dinners that could span the next century. As the beast’s reign takes hold, it hopes to witness a populace that grows increasingly plump and succulent, slowly cooking away in front of their television sets.

Authorities are actively monitoring the situation, coordinating efforts to contain and neutralize this airborne threat. Residents are advised to remain indoors, exercise caution, and follow any instructions from local law enforcement.

We will continue to bring you live updates on this extraordinary event as more information becomes available. Stay tuned as we delve deeper into this breathtaking encounter with the dragon and its impact on the Lansing community. This is Bill Azin, reporting live from Bazonzoe’s Provisioning Center in Lansing, Michigan. Back to the studio.