...AND ENJOY THE EXPERIENCE!
the assertion of reputed mob enforcer Carmine Gagamante, who spent two weeks in Satan’s domain while in a coma. He has written a survival guide entitled So You’re Going to Hell.
The book won’t be released until fall. But church leaders are already being condemning it because they fear it will encourage people to sin.
“With all due respect, that’s a load of crap,” Gigamante declares.”All I’m saying is, keep your mouth shut, do what you’re told. The place isn’t so bad. You can even have a few laughs.”
Gigamante, 45, admits that when he arrived in Hell after a car accident he panicked.
“People were getting shoved around by big, ugly demons. There was total pandemonium,” the Hoboken resident recalls.
“I saw all these naked chicks chained to boulders, sweating from the heat.
“That’s when I calmed down and said, “This is going to be just like serving time in the joint. But with girls. I can handle this.’
“By the end of the second week, I’d learned the ropes. If I hadn’t come out of the coma, I could have done my full time, no problem.”
Here are 10 tips THAT WILL HELP YOU IN the Underworld
DON’T MOUTH OFF — You treat the demons with respect and they treat you with respect “Gigamante observes.
MAKE UP BOGUS PHOBIAS — “As soon as you get there, start screaming something li,e, ‘Please, anything but squirrels,’” Gigamanted advises. “They’ll stick you in a room full of cute little squirrels.”
JOIN IN THE ORGIES — “Most women down there are prostitutes, strippers, and tramps with no morals,” the mobster reveals. “Whatever inhibitions they had gone out the window once they got to Hell.” In Heaven, displays of physical affection among the white-robed residents are frowned upon. But in Hell, there’s no stuffiness about public sex. “The place was like ‘Plato’s Retreat,” Gagamante chuckles. “And those sex demons love to get in on the action.”
HOBNOB WITH THE RICH AND FAMOUS — Gigamante met such towering historical figures as King Henry VIII, Adolf Hitler, and Al Capone. “These are guys who wouldn’t have given me the time of day when they were alive,” notes Gigamante. “Capone even gave me some good advice on how to motivate your crew.”
KEEP OUR MOUTH SHUT — If you see a condemned soul breaking a rule, don’t squeal to the demons — you’ll be labeled a stool pigeon.
SETTLE OLD SCORES — “I ran into this guy who had ratted. me out for stealing a car in high school,” Gigamante reveals. “I got a real kick out of working him over.”
LOOK UP LOST RELATIVES — “I met relatives who lived in Sicily as far back as the 1200s,” Gigamante reveals. “It was like a huge family reunion.”
GAMBLE LIKE CRAZY — The damned eagerly follows current events. A terrific way to kill time is betting on the outcome of wars.
LIE ABOUT YOUR FOOD PREFERENCES — “When the demons asked what I liked to eat, I told them ‘Spinach and asparagus. I can’t stand that filet mignon or caviar junk,’” Gigamante says. “So I got gourmet meals every day — and I didn’t put on a pound!”
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