Deadly Heatwave News Story by Apocalyptic Preacher
4:20 ON A TUESDAY:
Extremely hot weather this week has caused some freakish situations all across the State of Michigan, none of which is more newsworthy than the eruption that started in Burton. The scene at 4086 S Dort Hwy is something like out of a Hollywood movie. The insane heat this week was not only brought to you by God’s judgment but also to remind the sinners what awaits them in their near future. This week we have a small taste of the Hellfire that is to come!
The first signs of asphalt fire were after big John stepped out of his truck. Almost instantly his foot sunk into the flaming pavement. His foot then spontaneously combusted shooting flames up his sweatpants burning his favorite pair of sponge bob silk boxers. John was very distraught as he explained to the local EMS about what happened.
” I was just gettin outa my truck when my dang balls set fire! As soon as my foot hit the ground- Bang! that fire went straight up my doggone trousers scorching my poor family jewels”
The deadly heatwave has caused some serious problems this week, however, no one was expecting this kind of situation. “The Lord works in mysterious ways” the apocalyptic Preacher turned open his bible to revelations and reads loudly
“he also will drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is mixed in full strength in the cup of His anger; and he will be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb!”
Big Jonh just came up to Nature’s Releaf to pick up a couple of prerolls and something special for the missis on their anniversary which is this Friday. Little did John know that Nature’s ReLeaf was celebrating Topical Tuesdays where everyone gets 15% off all topicals and CBD. He picked up some highly recommended topical by Michigan Organic Rub at a nice discount.
Big John was not the only victim with burned shoes, clothing, and feet. There were many eager Michigan Medical Marijuana Patients hopping about trying to enter the provisioning center without too many burns.
“This is quite a sight to behold”. Preacher stated. “The sinners now know what they are up against! This should be a lesson for these deplorables who smoke the devil’s lettuce!
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