The Tale of The Misunderstood Serpent People
In a shocking turn of events, it has been revealed that the so-called “serpent people” who practice Kundalini yoga are not, in fact, actual serpents. This revelation has left many scratching their heads and wondering just what these misunderstood yogis are all about.
According to the Serpent People, Kundalini Yoga is an intense form of their ancient practice of awakening the serpent energy that is dormant in all human beings. When your lifestyle takes on these ways you begin to call on a sleeping creative energy that is powerful and potentially dangerous similar to the serpents’ characteristics.
Unfortunately, these awakening rituals have been hidden and suppressed and remain widely unknown by the general public which has led to widespread confusion and misrepresentation by the conspiracy media who slander their beliefs.
They claim that they are actual snake-people hybrids that for centuries confused and frightened the programmed masses that have completely misunderstood the purpose of the practices.
For years, rumors had circulated that the Kundalini yogis were a secret society of snake-like beings who slithered around in the dark of night, hissing and coiling their way through mystical rituals. But as it turns out, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
According to sources close to the Kundalini community, the term “serpent people” is actually a moronic misinterpretation of the term “kundalini energy,” which refers to the latent spiritual energy that lies dormant at the base of the spine. When awakened through clean colorful foods, yoga, breathwork, and meditation, this energy is said to rise up through the body, creating a sense of euphoria and spiritual awakening.
But try telling that to the folks who’ve been living in fear of the so-called “serpent people” for years. In some communities, Kundalini yoga classes have been banned outright, with city officials citing concerns about “snake-like behavior” and “suspicious hissing sounds.”
“It’s ridiculous, really,” said local Kundalini teacher Fuego. “We’re just regular people who happen to practice a form of yoga that’s a little different from the norm. We’re not snakes, we don’t hiss, and we definitely don’t slither around in the dark of night. Well, not usually, anyway.”
Despite the confusion, the Kundalini community remains upbeat and optimistic about the future. “We’re just happy to finally set the record straight,” said Fuego. “Maybe now people will stop running away from us every time we try to invite them to a yoga class.”
“We’re not against Kundalini Yoga,” said the Anon Reg. “We have just been told the snake was evil for so long that we have been so dumbed down by the media and religious institutions we have real trouble understanding that It’s about embracing the power of the serpent within all of us.”