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Fat Albert Sighting At Consume Cannabis Provisioning Center


An epic sight for the ages today at Consume Cannabis Provisioning Center.  This fiasco has been going on for quite some time now and the number of people helping out has increased from 2 security guards and  2 budtenders and now a couple of customers showed up to help out the situation. They were just trying to get in the door and buy some cannabis. There was just one big problem.

Fat Albert was stuck on the threshold of the door perfectly between the door frame. He was completely fixed in place and could only wiggle while becoming increasingly wedged as he was still trying to push himself through the door. He would not give up though.


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He was jammed in tight. There was no space between the door frame and his belly. His back belly and front belly are wedged in such a horrific way that his fat became compacted and then contracted in the door frame obstructing everyone from either entering or exiting the store. 

The whole crew of budtenders and now a large group of customers latched onto Albert’s arms and legs and began to heave and hoe while Albert counted aloud…3….2….1…..Go!  The group began to make momentum but then they would then lose it.



As more people came to help the overall strength grew and while Albert would never give up; the group had to quickly learn how to improve their efforts better together.  Finally, the group’s communication was on point and the strides they were making were better and better. One man was running back and forth slamming into the back of the crowd with his shoulder to help shove the wad of people through the door. When Albert finally budged his left buttock finally flopped outside the door frame loosening the pressure of the wedge significantly.

Once Albert made it inside the dispensary I was able to ask him some questions in a short interview. He was really out of breath when we spoke.

Hi, Albert how’s it going?

Albert: good, you know regular daily challenges can be quite an ordeal sometimes. I’m just thankful for cannabis consumers and their compassion for the community.

Bill Azin: Yo, Al, I didn’t know you smoked?

Albert: Oh, no I don’t smoke Mr. Azin, I do love my edibles though. I love all the edibles, little chocolate balls, big chocolate salty balls. Rice Krispy treats, different cereals, trail mixes, and all the candy bars I can get my hands on. I can slam nearly 750 mg of THC now. Momma says that it’s good for me to eat lots of edibles.


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“So, tell me, what made you go into this dispensary today?” I asked Fat Albert. I thought that Consume Provisioning Center was one of those new-age all-you-can-eat buffets you see in Las Vegas and on the cruise ships,” Fat Albert replied. “I didn’t know dispensaries offered so many kinds of flavors too.”


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I had to chuckle and shook my head. “No, Fat Albert, dispensaries don’t offer all-you-can-eat buffets,” I said. “But they do offer a wide variety of products that can help you improve your health.” Fat Albert considered this for a moment. “Well, I guess I’ll have to check it out then,” he said with a smile.


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