Neurostream technology is here!
Do your eyes get tired when you’re binge-watching all the seasons of Grace & Frankie? Does your head hurt when you watch The Simpsons on your tablet? Well, you are about to get some relief! The next great innovation in streaming technology is on its way!
Top technicians at Netflix and Disney+ are about to introduce a new technology that sends your favorite movies and TV shows directly into your brain!
“This is going to completely change the media industry as we know it,” says Marco Vinicio, the CEO of Sony Pictures Entertainment. “All the big streamers are going to have to get on board with this technology, or they’ll be dead in the water.”
A BRAIN RECEIVING SCHITT’S CREEK
THE NORWEGIAN INNOVATORS
Tech experts have been working on NeuroStream technology for over 20 years. A team from the Språklaboratorium Media Lab in Flåm, Norway developed this technology. They first developed a similar content delivery system for companies like Crackle and Yahoo! Stream. Since then, they’ve dedicated all their time to this groundbreaking brain streaming project.
“NeuroStream uses infrared rays to project Eddie Murphy movies, reruns of Banachek, or anything you like, right into your mind. NeuroStream shows enter a customer’s neocortex in a matter of seconds,” says Dr. Danique Nilsen, chief of research for the Språklaboratorium. “The infrared rays override the viewer’s internal mental focus. The viewer will be able to “brain watch” whatever they want without interruption. If thoughts pop into a viewer’s mind — i.e. random childhood thoughts, food thoughts, or replaying the day’s events — NeuroStream will temporarily block them.
Sony, Netflix, and Disney reportedly purchased patent rights for hundreds of millions of dollars. However, there are some safety and moral issues surrounding its implementation. According to Dr. Nilsen, the testing of NeuroStream is going well. However, some viewers have experienced some side effects. Apparently, the infrared rays can cause seizures, hallucinations, and some memory loss. But the shows look great in the mind!
REGULATIONS ON THE WAY
The Federal Communication Commission is currently writing laws to regulate brainwave broadcasting. At the same time, some US senators are attempting to ban this technology. Their biggest concern is streaming commercials into a viewer’s brain.
Dr. Nilsen agrees. “Ads should not be brain streamed. You don’t want to be bombarded with ads for Axe Body Spray or Chipotle, with no way to turn them off.” She feels this issue will be resolved before NeuroStream rolls out into minds across the United States.
The estimated monthly charge for NeuroStream is $19.99. But if you allow Neurostream to place some “cookies” in your mind, you can get that down to $2.99 a year.
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