“It’s been a long journey, but I’m finally here,” Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin announced to the city of Flint officials, as they met to discuss his plans to open a pizza chain in the area.
Putin was beaming with pride as he explained his vision for the pizzeria. He promised that all of the ingredients would be organic and fresh and that the pizzas would be packed with incredible spices from all over the world. He further stated that he will import the finest wines from the country of Georgia, which is very well known for outstanding wine selections.
When Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin set his sights on Flint, Michigan, city officials were scratching their heads in confusion. What could the Russian president want with a small Midwestern town?
The city officials were skeptical at first, but Putin managed to convince them that his pizzeria would be a huge success. And so, Putin’s pizza chain will soon be opening its doors in Flint, Michigan. Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin’s first location will be right next door to Natural Stress Solutions
The new franchise has been approved for 9 locations although Putin stated in the Russian press release that he will open 33 locations by next year.
“I am excited to bring my delicious pizzas to Flint,” Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin said in a statement. “My pizzas are made with the finest organic ingredients topped with spices from all over the world. I’m sure that Flint residents will love them.”
I ran to catch him outside city hall just as he was leaving the building
Vlad, I hollered just before catching up to him. (Yeah I called him Vlad)
Vlad, what’s the name of your restaurant chain? He responds with a high octave and excitedly “Kaquebay Pizzaria and Wine Tasting”. (Pronounced Ka-Ga-Bae)
Kaquebay Pizzaria and Wine Tasting is an interesting name, where was it inspired?
Vladimir responds hastily with a lowered voice almost grumbling and now, casting a frown face with duck lips and pouty demeanor
“It is a secret”, it is something that means the world to me, but my romance with her will never end, so I name my restaurant after her”.
Oh, so this is a wife or girlfriend?
No, but that is all I say. Next Question comrade, he stated firmly as he glares at me with a sigh.
I have one last question, I really appreciate your time.
“He says in thick Russian accent ” no problemo droog”
I asked him how he did it, and he just laughed. “You know,” he said, “it’s not hard to get what you want if you’re willing to put in the work.” I am passionate about pizza and my ONE TRUE LOVE has me inspired to take over the world. I love her so much. More than anything he pouts.
When Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin’s announcement hits the headlines about plans to open a pizza chain in Flint, Michigan, city officials were very confused. How could the Russian president possibly know anything about making pizzas? But Putin was adamant that he could bring his expertise in running a successful pizza chain to Flint, and eventually, city officials approved his proposal.
The grand opening of Putin’s Pizza will be met with much fanfare. The pizzas are organic farm-to-table, and they will be some of the best in town. But there could be one problem: the prices might be too high for most people in Flint to afford.
Putin didn’t care though. He was raking in the profits and expanding his pizza empire. And to top it all he was applying for the Organic stamp provided by the USDA.
The city council was hesitant at first, but after some negotiating, they finally gave Putin the go-ahead. His grand opening announcement is scheduled for after finishing up with some other engagements.
Residents of Flint are already excited about the new pizzerias – they can’t wait to try out Putin’s pizza
You may want to go fight the communists over there before we have to fight them here. If so, you might be able to…